Thursday, November 12, 2009

1st Place Journal: Thankful In Hindsight

Journal Question: Think about a situation in the past when you found it difficult to be thankful. Has your perspective changed? How?

My bouts (yes, bout"s", 2 girls) with Post Partum Depression and Anxiety made it almost impossible for me to be thankful. That is how it felt to me. I was beyond sad and scared and couldn't figure out why it was happening or know if there was anything I could do to get better. I couldn't understand why God was allowing me to go through those horrible times.

Finally, I realized I had to go to the doctor and see if medication could help me. When the meds finally started working (which felt like forever), I realized that God was there with me even when I felt so utterly alone and helpless.

During this time, I turned to the Bible, prayer and my Christian family and friends for love and support. Without some of these women who had gone through the same thing, I don't know how I would have ever endured.

I've learned alot about PPD and PPA and have accepted as best as I can that I will probably have to deal with an occasional flare-up of symptoms but with God, good meds and wonderful family and friends, it will pass.

My experience with PPD and PPA led me to a firmer faith. I had to grow into my own faith and not just ride on my parents' faith and Sunday School stories. I now have a much closer relationship with God and know that He is with me even when I can't "feel" Him.

I sometimes wish that I could just forget that those bad times in my life ever happened. But, I do need to remember and be thankful that God saw me through and know that He always will.

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