Health Management ~ Session 1, Part 1 ~ 1/31/13

I mentioned in a previous post about taking the plunge and making an appointment to speak with a counselor to see if it would help me to get a better grip on my depression and anxiety flare-ups.  After trying to explain what I wanted to get out of our meetings and not being very articulate he said, "You mean Health Management".  I actually laughed because that was exactly what I meant but didn't know how to express it so concisely.  I already knew that speaking with "Art" was going to be helpful.

Tea Time ~ Prayers Needed Anx/Dep ~ 1/25/13

Won't you come meet Alissa , me and the girls for a coffee date,

or in my case, hot chocolate with whipped cream or maybe a chai tea?

Hello, friends!  I hope you're having a good week.

If we were meeting together today, you would probably notice that something is up with me.  A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my anxiety and depression.  I thought I was doing well at the time but honestly I probably could already feel a relapse coming or I was at least trying to prevent a relapse by reminding myself of my "techniques".

Well, when depression and anxiety are a chemical imbalance, like mine is, those techniques help but sometimes the meds need adjusted.

30 Days of Gratitude 2012 ~ Day 27

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am grateful for:

Modern Medicine.

1.  Cancer treatments.
2.  Antidepressants.
3.  Antibiotics.
4.  Vaccines.
5.  Multitudes of other life sustaining meds.


Thank You, Lord, for Modern Medicine.

Update on Blog and Meds

I thought I'd write a post updating everyone on what is going on in my life right now.

First, I'm doing well.  Just wanted to set everyone's mind at ease :)

I'm trying to figure out what direction I want to take my blog.  I've decided to keep my (semi) Daily Tune, because I enjoy sharing these with you.  I hope you also enjoy them.

I'll be keeping my Scripture Memory Verse on Sundays, hopefully Wordfilled Wednesday and {this moment}/Feel Good Friday.  Other than that I think I might let myself go freestyle.

I'll add recipes when I try a great one, I'll add book reviews when I actually get a book read, and new craft creations as I make them.

I'll see how this works for a while.

On another front, I am in the midst of a planned med change.  It is going fairly well due in part to the fact that I was in a good place to start, I believe anyway.

We had added Abilify to my Lexapro/Klonopin regiment to get me through the Christmas season but the Abilify is just way too expensive if another SSRI will do the trick.

I called my Dr. to get the process started when I was ready.  At first he suggested Zoloft which I declined.  It was the very first SSRI I had tried and I have lots of very bad memories of that time.  Bad connotations.

So, I have started weaning off the Lexapro and started taking Paxil.  I was a bit surprised that the Dr. wanted me to try Paxil.  I was expecting him to suggest one of the newer SSRI/SSNRI meds.  So far, so good, though!

I thought I'd have more withdrawal/starting up symptoms but it has been fairly smooth so far.  (I probably shouldn't write that!)  I've been getting a slight headache in the afternoon to which I'm attributing to the weaning of the Lexapro.  Thursday will be my first day completely of the Lex and at a 20mg dose of Paxil.  I wanted to experiment and do it sooner to see what would happen but sanity prevailed and I decided that it wouldn't be a good idea.

Well, that is all for this post.  Let me know what you think about my blog changes and med changes. 

Changes, changes, changes.  Let us pray they are all changes for the better!

Have a great Monday!  I'm going yarn shopping so I now I will!

Meds Update

Just a little note to tell you how my meds are working.

The Klonopin is much better than the Xanax for the anxiety and it has evened out a GREAT deal.  I go back to the doctor for a follow-up on Dec. 15th.

The Lexapro has been able to work on the depression with the anxiety being alieviated.

I'm also taking all my vitamins (I have been for months).  Iron, Script Vit D, OTC Vit D, Calcium, One-A-Day.

I'm also journaling, reading my Bible, praying and trying to get outside at least 30-60 minutes a day, even if it is cloudy and rainy.

If you've ever dealt with this type of depression/anxiety, you would agree that any progress is a big deal to be celebrated even if just for the day.

So here's to TODAY!

Hubby Thinks He is Funny

I just told Doug that I took my first klonopin so if I start running around the house naked he'd know.

His reply:

"What?  Give you another one?"

Funny, funny...

Not.

Getting Real About Anxiety Depression

It's time I got real.  It is time I accept myself for who I am.  A person who struggles with anxiety and depression and intrusive thoughts.

I am a person who takes an antidepressant (Lexapro) and Xanax when I have major breakthrough anxiety like I am now.

I have struggled with some form of Dep/Anx for most of my life.  It really came on strong when pregnant with my first daughter and after. 

I never imagined I would be someone who had to take an antidepressant.  I was under the misconception that being an intelligent person, I could just think away those thoughts and feeling.  I was very uneducated on the condition and I apologize to all those commercials I saw when I was young and thought, "Just get over it". 

I had what I would call my first major depressive episode when my 1st daughter was 2 1/2 and my grandmother died.  I was working full time even though I wanted to be a SAHM so badly.  But I let myself believe that we HAD to have my income.  I thought I was absolutely going crazy and was headed for the "looney bin" so I finally went to see the doctor and semi-accepted the fact that I would have to go on some kind of medication.

I started off on Zoloft and had what I think was a reaction.  Who knows maybe it was just extreme anxiety.  Anyway, off I went and told the dr. maybe just an anti-anxiety med would be what I needed.  I struggled for an entire year using minimal Xanax because I hated the thought of taking it.

The next Spring, I crashed again.  I thought, Maybe going part-time would be the magic fix.  Struggled for a few more months, thinking I was going crazy.

I then broke down and went back to the dr. because something HAD to give.  I couldn't live like that anymore.  Major Depression.  Major Anxiety.

I finally agreed to try another Anti-depressant.  Lexapro along with Xanax for the anxiety.  Initial increased anxiety but pushed through and went up to 20mg Lex.

Felt good for about 2 years with a few minor episodes.  Decided I would go off the Lex and have another baby.  What an idiot!  I should have stayed on the Lex, no studies showed it would was harmful but I thought I was "superwoman" and could make it.

20 weeks into Pregnancy #2 and I (let's say it together) crashed.  Ob/gyn would only give me Wellbutrin.  What a nightmare!  I then went to my reg. dr. who gave me the Lex back.  Struggled through the rest of the pregnancy and went to 30mg Lex post-delivery with some Xanax on the side.

I eventually would go to Xanax only at bedtime and got the bright idea that I only needed 20mg Lex and talked my doc into trying it.  It was OK for a while until last Spring when (all together now) crash!

Went back up to 30mg Lex with a side of Xanax and eventually only used Xanax at bedtime.

If you've read this far you have now come through a brief overview of my past 7 years and are now realtime.

I've had lots of stressors the past couple weeks and have felt a crash coming on.  Money, weight, self-esteem, perfectoinism, anniversary of first crash, etc.

I've really been struggle the past few weeks and the last 2 days have been horrible.  I've been taking my 30mg Lex and Xanax 3X/day.  Thought it was just a bump.

Each and every time I come through to the other side of the darkness, I talk myself into believeing that it won't happen again.

I have to realize and accept that this is something I'll have to deal with on an ongoing basis.

So, I made an appt with my dr. for Monday.  I have a call into a counselor.

I have got to figure out a better way to deal with this.  Ignoring the problem when I'm feeling good is not working for the long haul.  But as soon as I feel better, I want to ignore the situation.

Facts:

-I've never seen a psych.
-I've been on Lex for 7 years (with brief interlude)
-I've got to accept myself for who I am with this condition.

Questions:

-Have you had a med stop working?
-What meds do you take?
-What are your stressors?
-Have you accepted this as a continuing condition?
-How do you cope?
-Psych or no?

Requests:

Pray for me.  Please.   Give me feedback.

Thanks for reading this rambling mess. 

Linking to: (because this is something homemakers also have to deal with)

Homemaking Linkup

Homemaker Monday

Making Your Home Sing (or not)